Growing Up Southern Style

I have come to help. My government is sorely in need of repair and I’m the guy to fix her up.

Now, first thing is to save money that’s wasting away up in DC. Been doing some mathology and I think I got it figgered out.

Didya ever notice all them linos in DC? They got scads of ‘em. But, I have a plan.

Do you remember the Gremlin?  Ugliest car ever that entered the mind of man.  So ugly, they didn’t sell many of ‘em so they is a bunch of ‘em stored in warehouses in Detroit.  Now we sell all them big limos and buy up all the Gremlins for a song.  We paint them bad boys black, stick a couple of little flags on the hoods, and bang….we done saved a frigging fortune.

I would poay real money to see Nancy Polosi riding in the back of a black Gremlin.  And how about Biden?  See, we wouldn’t have to pay for armor plate and bulletproof glass either.  Hell, what idiot would ever attack a Gremlin?  Have to be one hard-up terrorist to fire off a rocket at a black Gremlin.

Now, I know the Prez needs a better ride.  So, we get him a reconditioned Edsel.  The grill on the Edsel looks just like the expression on the taxpayers faces when Obama kicks em’ in the butt with new taxes.

These moves will save us a bunch.  So much that Mr. Holder’s Justice Dept. can have another breakfast meeting and spend another $5000.00 on muffins.  Someone should interduce Mr. Holder to Little Debby.

So, that’s my plan.  And another thing.  Only in America could we have an Office of Management and Budget and we ain’t got no budget to manage.  Ain’t had a budget in two years or so.  Why come we don’t delete the OMB??

Also, only in America could we have a Millionaires Tax that starts at 200 grand.  Something about that there just flies in the face of logical thinkers all over.

But, as long as my country needs me I will be here to answer the bell.  Always eager to pass along helpful advice on matters of finalosity and other stuff.

Respectfully,

Billy Bob

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Why I’m Running For President…

By Bill Shiver

I know a lot of you wonder why I’m now a candidate for President of the United States of America.  I can’t possibly do any worse than the guy in office now.  And, since I’m picking Jon McCranie as my Vice Presidentail running mate, I know Jon will be every bit as comical as Joe Biden.

Here’s the way I figure it.  We got 50 states.  Every state has a Governor, a Senate and a House of Representatives.  Why in the name of Cooter Brown would we need yet another bunch in Washington?

Why don’t we just have a 10% tax on everything except food and prescription drugs (and salt water taffy cause the Pres. Likes salt water taffy) and do away with the IRS.

Since the White House will be moving to the North Georgia Mountains, there will be some changes.  I will be renaming the rooms.  No offense to the former Presidents, but I want a Waylon Room and a Willie Room, a Richard Petty Room, a Paul Harvey Room and of course, a Cooter Brown room.  People will pay good money to sleep in the Cooter Brown Bedroom.  Come to think of it, since I live in a double-wide, we need to call it The White Trailer.  Might take a little getting used to.

When I walk into a room they will no longer play “Hail to the Chief.”  I want “Sweet Home Alabama.”  That’ll classy up the join real good.    We’ll alternate with Ray Charles singing “Georgia on My Mind.”  Makes me tear up, that song does.

So, who knows.  If we get enough folks to join our little Bill Shiver For President Facebook Group, we could come from way behind to smack down the establishment.  A chicken in every pot and a 120pak of Bud Lite in every fridge.  We can just get back to being God0fearing Americans like we used to be.  Get off the pot and give Bill s shot.

Let’s Roll….

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My Campaign Platform…l

The following are just a few things I will do if you elect me your President.

1. An immediate freeze on Federal hiring and raises.  Only exception will be the military.
2. All bills must go through Congress individually.  No more bills will be tacked onto the coat-tails of another bill.  No more “Porkulous.”
3. Anyone who doesn’t like America can leave.  The Federal Government will pay their one-way plane ticket to anywhere.  BUT, they can NEVER come back.
4. The Federal Reserve will stop the printing presses and no more money will be printed.
5. All merchandise coming into the U.S. from other countries (especially China) will be subject to a Port Tax of 35%, payable when the merchandise hits our shore.  If Wranger wants to make jeans in South America, fine.  But the tax to bring them into the U.S. will offset any benefits derived from $1.50 an hour wages down there.  Won’t be long before Wrangler and others will have to come back here and hire American workers.
6. We must do something about Social Security.    We have to raise the retirement age for people now 50 and younger and raise the SS payroll tax incrementally each year.
7. We must put 10,000 National Guard troops on our border with Mexico.  These troops will be armed and ordered to STOP illegals.  At the same time, we MUST streamline the legal immigration process and make it quicker and simpler for LEGAL immigration to take place.
8. National security trumps privacy.  We need a tamper proof National ID card which cannot be counterfeited.
9. Anyone drawing Disability Payments must be reviewed every two years to assure that they are in fact disabled.  This should be a simple but eggective process with minimum invonvenience to the citizen.
10. Foreign terrorists are NOT entitled to any rights.  They are to be tried in a Military Tribunal .  A maximum of two appeals will be allowed.
11. The Bush Tax Cuts will be renewed for everyone.  Taxing people between $250,000 and $500,000 a year hits the small businesses that supply most of the jobs.
12. The Obama Health Care Plan will be repealed.  Instead reasonable measures will be put into place to help insure as many people as possible.  We cannot be Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy and The Easter Bunny to everyone.  We simply can’t afford it.
13. All spending by Congress with the exception of Military and Education will be frozen.  No more bridges to nowhter or turtle overpasses.
14. Prisons should be prisons again.  No TV, movie theatres, gyms, libraries, basketball courts, etc.  Prison sould be a place no one wants to go to.  Also, anyone convicted of a sexual chrime against a child 12 years of age or under will be sentenced automatically to life without parole and may not receive any visitors at all during incarceration.
15. Anyone can pray any time at any place to any God.
16. No business shall be too big to fail.  If they can’t make it then they go down.  That’s why we have bankruptcy laws.
17. Judges should not be appointed for life.  They should have 10 year terms, and a review after 10 years.  They can then be reappointed or dropped.
18. School teachers would be prohibited from expressing their political views in the classroom.  Teachers should teach…not preac….
20. More to come….!

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As many of us know there is a lot of work that is involved with obtaining a baby shower ready. By hosting the baby shower you spare the expectant mother the time and worry of how to get anything for a baby shower set for her friends. Now even though you have gotten all of the preparation work nicely under way it aids if you have the thank you cards all written out for the new mom. One very special way to thank your guests is by poem – in the form of baby shower thank you poems.

These baby shower thank you poems don’t have to be really expensive or even time consuming to do. The best way that you can get good baby shower cards that thank all of your friends is to buy the cards and lookup for a couple of distinct poems that tie in effectively with that of a baby shower. This while several may say is rather on the inexpensive side these cards can be made to search really sophisticated if you plan their seem very cautiously.

To get this type of personalized baby shower thank poems done what you will need is to pick a soft colour card paper. On the front of the card with a gold or silver colour pen and a stencil or outline, write thank you in bold letters. Next you ought to appear for an sophisticated baby shower pattern and very carefully trim it and paste it onto the card. With some metallic colour pens outline this design and add some little motifs of the front of the card.

Now on the inside of the thank you card very carefully paste your selected baby shower thank your poem. This poem can be personalized so that it fits the person that you are sending or giving the thank you card to. To make these baby shower thank you poems even a lot more particular you can print the poem out on vellum or some other such paper that has an interesting pattern on the background.

As soon as you have gotten these baby shower thank you poems ready, all that you will need to see is when you are heading to give them. You will have to have to choose the right moment so that anyone can admire this kind of baby shower party favor. You can also let the new mom select to read these baby shower thank you poems as she provides them to her good friends. This maybe is the ideal way to let anyone know how much their presence was appreciated.

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Parents usually have baby sleep problems. Baby needs sleep for healthy development, newborns will sleep in short segmented time frames, as the baby grows, so does the sleep time frame. Usually 8 hours in day and 9 hours at night,  a normal sleeping pattern will develop around 3 months.

We as parents usually monitor infant sleep in order to tend to there needs at night, when babys are in solitude from parents, difficulty to sleep can occur. Heart rate, breathing, and arousal levels are affected by sleep pattern noises between parents and baby at night-time. If monitoring baby sleep patterns is ideal, consider have a monitor that transmit and receives.

Try Music for Babies.

If your baby is waking up continuous in the middle of the night, then needs a feeding to go back to sleep, try a baby sleep training. Parents know when other parent fell exhausted, depressed, and desperate because not enough sleep.

Have you notice when parents are not getting enough sleep due to the newborn?

In the past, parents just assume sleepless nights was the norm for new parents and just dealt with every waking hour with the infant. Now the change has happened, finally you can get a rested night and help your baby get a good nights sleep.

Being very busy there is no time to read and research, the Baby Sleep Solution is an instant audio download, and also a written transcript provide the tips and techniques to help your baby sleep.

There are many techniques that you will find available in this course. The programs is very simple to use and shows you exactly what to do, in as little as 35 minutes you will be convinced on the program.

I understand where you are coming from, with our children we had many sleepless nights, wish I known about the baby sleep solution. Keeping your baby sleep schedule on a routine pattern will keep your baby sleeping through the night.

Get the Baby Sleep Solution.

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